Monday, May 12, 2008

An Emotional Mother's Day...

Is it EVER gonna end?...This week, by far has been one of the hardest weeks of Motherhood that I have ever known! Yesterday was REALLY bad...and I know that I keep saying that but yesterday and last night beat them all...by a country mile! and it had to fall on mother's day... The Dr. told me that recovery would be on a "healing curve"...that she would get better for a few days, that she would get alot worse and then she would get better again...and stay that way- and they were not lying...except for the part when they said she would get better for a few days...I NEVER saw the better part, but last night we saw the WORST! (side note-we spent the weekend in Dickson this weekend for a wedding shower and for Mother's Day) Yesterday we woke up, after only a few hours of sleep the night before...and struggled to give her the medicine (which has been a constant struggle all week. It is VERY strong and she says that it burns her throat, and then because it is so strong, once it reaches her stomach, she feels like she is going to throw up...A VICIOUS CYCLE! Anyway after we got the medicine down, she said that she really wanted to go to church...which is great- we all needed Jesus yesterday! We went to church and came home just in time for another dose of medicine (great-didn't we just give her some?...yes, but we have to give it every 4 hours) She FREAKS out and starts running around like a crazy child! I finally have to get loud and get ahold of her and TELL her that she was actin terrible an that she WAS going to take her medicine...and she did take it! THEN I felt horrible for screaming at her and had to go apologize to her and ask for forgiveness (that she did grant, however it wasn't without some thinking) and while I was apologizing, I started crying hysterically...for several reasons, #1 Sleep deprivation... I haven't slept in a week and I am exhausted! #2 emotional wreck...I HATE it when my kids are sick (what mother doesn't) however when I am doing all that I can to try to make her better and it isn't helping, it gets very frustrating #3 missin my own momma..Mother's Day is always hard for me since mom went to be with Jesus...and I suppose that it will always be hard. You would think after almost 9 years that I would get over it...it's just not the case! I miss her esp. yesterday! So after my breakdown, I go upstairs and take a good nap and woke up with the WORST headache...the ones that you get after you cry your eyes out. We packed up and were ready to head home and Brenly was complaining about her ears hurting (Supposedly part of the healing process is that when scabs start to form it causes extreme pressure in your ears and you have the worst ear ache) and Avery was crying because she is cutting 4 teeth at the same time! We drive 2 hours home and there was not 1 minute that either of my children weren't screaming! Brenly kept beggin that I turn around hold her ears (keep in mind that I get car sick if I am turned around for too long!) So by the time we were close to our house, I had a massive migraine headache, I was car sick and I had not one but 2 screaming kids! UUUUGGGGGHHHHH! Are you feeling sorry for me yet?...(I really don't want sympathy, I just needed to vent- always makes me feel better!) We got home and Brenly went from bad to worse! Her ears were killing her and they kept US up ALL NIGHT LONG! Finally at midnight she begged me to call the doctor and the hospital, she promised that she would go, if only they would make her ears feel better! And so I did. I called the nurse and she basically said that there was nothing that we could do and that she would just have to deal with it..Its part of the "healing curve"! Oh my, watching your child scream and punch her own ears to try to eliminate the pain is not easy! I just pray that last night was the worst of this curve and that we will go uphill from here! After sleeping for approx. 3 hours last night...I sat up the rest of the night holding my daughters ears...and whenever I would let go she would continue with her screaming tirade...After 5:30 she finally doses off, just in time for me to get up, take a shower and prepare for another day of dirty teeth! I take the girls to Niecy's (our wonderful babysitter) and after a car ride full of screams from both kids again...I was READY TO GET TO WORK! That's funny, never thought that I would say that! I mean, I like my work and all, but to long to be there...never thought that I would see the day! Denise called at 11:00 to check in and said that Brenly had been real fussy all day and that she had to sit with her all day and rub her ears...(We literally have to massage both of her ears to get her to calm down...)Then again at 2:00 she called and said that she decided to put winter ear muffs on my child and IT WORKED...the pressure of the muffs allow her a TINY bit of relief and so by golly, we are continue to wear blue winter ear muffs...I have pictures I will try to download later (it does give me a good chuckle, and believe me that is much needed around here) but that she had cried for 2 hours straight...I was at my wits end, so I broke down and called the pediatrician and asked if they could just see her and find out if there was ANY thing else that I might be able to do to give her relief...They saw her, said that her ears look great and the reason that she is having should severe ear pain is because the nerve that is in her throat, that was recently cut on, also runs through her ear, her jaw and her neck ( I suppose that I probably should have known that seeing as how I had a year of head and neck anatomy for hygiene school, but give me a break that was 9 years ago!) Anyhow, there is nothing else to do but sit here and hold my child in her blue ear muffs!! And pray that this "healing curve" is heading in the upward direction. Please pray for all of us...relief, complete healing...soon, sanity...We all need it believe me! Thanks so much to all of you who have lifted her up in prayer. I can't imagine what this journey would be like if those prayers weren't going up! You guys are the BEST!! I will try to post an update soon! and next time, I hope to report that we are on the other side of this valley! So all that to say... I am so very grateful that God has chosen me to be a mother. It is one of the most rewarding jobs that I have done, it is also one of the toughest! Thank you God for giving me two of the most precious children ever...And now I pray that you would heal them and bring happiness back to our home!

2 comments:

mistyladean said...

You are just a good person, I mean, after reading the LONGEST post EVER... about how hard it has been, you write something about loving and being thankful for motherhood. Yet another reason I strive to be like you! Because you try to be like Jesus, thankful in ALL situations! And positive!

Doug and Jill Pierce said...

Bless your heart!! I hope she gets better soon!